Becoming Grown Up: (or, Adventures in Shopping)

They say that this is part of adulthood:

Learning to go to the store

All by yourself.

Walking 6 blocks and taking

2 trains

surrounded by people

but still all alone.

Somehow this is an accomplishment.

Did they forget to mention

the crippling fear in the

pit of my stomach that makes

me feel sick,

my hands shaking as I ask the cashier

to “ring this item up separate, please,

I’d like to pay for it

in cash?”

I have to remind myself

To breathe

calmly, deeply

Walk down the aisles slowly,

Don’t worry,

If you are careful

you won’t run into her, so

just take your time.

No one said that my hands wouldn’t

stop shaking for 2 hours

afterwards,

Or that a mug of tea

wouldn’t calm the bile in my

stomach

or quench the dryness that covers

the back of my throat

No one said that I’d want to lie on my bed

for the rest of the night,

unable to decide

what book to

read,

Or if I even want to read at all

since my head is still pounding

and I can’t think straight.

Still, I guess, somehow,

I am one step closer to living

on my own,

“all grown up”.

But isn’t the best thing you can do

when you are scared

is to ask for (just a little)

help?

~C.R. Sutton