terrore impetum

description of a panic attack:

little lights inside my head

flickering

pounding sounds

breathe in. breathe out.

don’t breathe.

heartbeat. blood beneath skin.

ears strumming with chords

nonsense chords.

breathe in. hold.

thoughts, swirl.

whirlpool round.

And round and round

Androundandroundandround

lights go out

pain.

is my heart still beating?

is it still inside my chest?

pain. no pain.

empty.

breathe out.

breathe in

breathe out and in and out

and inoutinoutinoutin.

hold.

silent scream

gasp for air.

i can’t be drowning

if there is no water to be found.

right?

wrong.

and thoughts and thoughts and

THOUGHTS

be quiet! Shut up!

you don’t know me

I am you.

I am in you.

This is you.

GO AWAY

pressure on chest.

heart sucked dry.

no more blood.

no more breath.

blink.

tears.

Done.

~C.R. Sutton